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  1. #1

    The Domestics DVD post apoc

    NOTE- for all the non humorous types, I write these post apoc movie reviews as spoofs, making fun of the movie.

    This is a DVD you can probably find at Walmart.

    in a terrifying post apoc world inhabited by murderous gangs divided into deadly factions Nina and Mark (typical useless suburban yuppies) race desperately across the lawless countryside in search of safety. As one depraved group narrows their search for the couple, they must work together as they are pushed to the breaking point in order to survive.
    Try to read that in your best "announcer" voice LOL.

    So that's what the back cover says. Here's my take-

    OK so the premise of what happened is very interesting, I won't spoil it. Suffice to say the evil gubmint finally did it, and Alex Jones was right all along... LOL

    Of course there are survivors- "all the good people died"- is a quote later used in the movie. Probably just all the people with half a brain....

    So here is "Nina and Mark" your typical yuppies, hanging out in the garage ("garaging?") of some sheeety American suburbs and someplace they are safe right now. Well no, old Nina drawers wants to go see Mom and Dad who lives 5 hours away in Milwaukee. Well Nina wears the pants in the "family" so Mark's little whupped arse starts packing up, while Nina is still trying to change her Facebook status to single....

    I must admit, I get SO SICK of all these movies portraying women as just the dumbest things in the world. OR they are totally bad A's like "Clark" in "The 100" which is also a little unreasonable.
    If I was a chick, I'd be pretty pi$%$ed at all the scenes where the woman is being TOTALLY USELESS in the situation while the male struggles.

    If that's happening in real life, then the man is a frickin idiot. If that happens in a survival situation, then the man is soon a dead fricking idiot! Woman can be good fighters and I really don't like the stereotypes of them being useless, it's furthering that idea to people.

    Nina is the sterotypical sit on here arse while the guy does everything movie type chic. Mark is a bit of a metro type guy as it is, so he could use all the help he could get. One particular scene after Mark saved her butt for the upteenth time has him leaving these little sweat post it notes around the abandoned house they are in, while he goes out to scavenge. Fruity pants (Nina) wakes up hours later and calls for her dog (Mark) but he's not there. She decides she's gonna dip out on him and preps a suitcase and finds a Jeep and gets it started- first thing she actually DOES in the movie- course that's related totally to her.... She heads back to the abandoned house and finds more notes from the guy. He directs her to some rock album she evidently likes. Fruity Pants soon finds some whiskey and what better to do in the post apoc world (PAW) than to blare music really loud AND get falling down drunk!!

    Meanwhile, Mark enters some other house to scavenge and finds two people he "knew" a few scenes before. One looks like Anderson Silva's bigger brother and his son. Some crazy guy that looks like Joe Pantoliano on crack has them all rolled up. He asks Mark why are the two following him? Seems like everyone is following Mark and Fruity Pants and not just on Nina's Facebook account to see her bikini pics...

    So Mark has a decision to make, kill Anderson Silva's brother and nephew (I think even in the PAW killing someone related to Anderson Silva would be a bad idea) or go downstairs to the basement with Zed... Mark musters up all his latte curling strength and fights Zed while Joe Pantoliano watches with his gold plated Walther (maybe Luger I don't remember). Mark prevails due to the fact that he got a double shot of Espresso in his mochachino this morning, so he's on fire. This is at the same time Fruity Pants is back having her blare music and get trashed episode.

    It's worth noting that Mark has a few weapons, but for some damn reason even outnumbered he always put his gun down, or worse off leaves it with Nina, who lays it on the ground and puts HEADPHONES on while Mark goes to fight off gangs. And Mark is not a Black Belt in anything other than perhaps in making spread sheets, so it doesn't make a helluva lot of sense.

    Well, Mark has had it after narrowly escaping becoming a permanent resident in Zed's basement.... So you see him "practicing" shooting with his M1 carbine, looked like a paratrooper stock as well. Interesting the guns in this movie, like someone had access to a WWII props set- MG42, several MP40's, a K98, Lugers, Broomhandle Mauser...

    This is also the turning point for Fruity Pants who says she wants to learn how to shoot and of course "masters" it in all of about three rounds. This also follows a current trend in movies- you don't need years of study, training and practice to "master" some new skill, hell no, you become a Jedi in two easy steps with this "one simple trick!"

    So by now Mark and Fruity Pants have left a wake of pi$$ed off "gangs" and people who seem to be following them to the mecca that is Milwaukee.

    They arrive finally in Milwaukee and it's as wonderful as you would imagine a big city would be in the PAW!! Candy cane forests, Unicorns that crap out gold bars, suburbs with real coffee, the works!!! JOY!!! And here our oft played "savior of the subdivision" fantasy starts up. Nothing more defensible than a bunch of cheaply built tract houses in the suburbs! It's like America's Maginot line!

    So the final show down is of course in the suburbs. Queen Latifa's little sister shows up with her crew all tee'ed off because she lost money on Mark and Nina's little rendition of "The Deer Hunter"
    I spared you writing about all of that part- your welcome LOL. Lil' Latifa's crew seems to have looted a WWII German armory as they are the ones with all the MP40's, chrome and gold plated of course...

    Nina (Fruity Pants) completes her transformation to total Bad A. She's found the lever action rifle from "The Rifleman" and of course without any training, is slaying Latifa's crew left and right. Meanwhile Mark is inside the house making a pretty quilt and watching some little girl that grew up in this madness but is more concerned about riding her Big Wheel down the block while the gangs fight it out.

    It ends with the two yuppies falling back in love and Mark taking her last name when they get married... Even in the PAW you can't keep the evil patriarchy going...

    Probably the best part of the movie is the radio announcer. You hear him a lot and he's pretty darn funny.

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    "Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed..."

  2. #2
    Administrator protus's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    I remember the preview for it and thought the same thing. Thats a bunch of ww2 stuff for modern shtf. Lol.
    Glad to hear mark got his quilt made.....i was worried lol.
    Thanks for the review.
    Hey Petunia...you dropped your man pad!

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